“Keep Your Power Chord Plugged In” by Lindsey Rosin I don’t know what all these Hollywood types think they’re going to prove by screaming all the time. I don’t scream. It’s not my thing. I try to stay zen. But I’m the tech guy – so I get screamed at constantly – there’s nothing that stresses people out more than their technology not working – people feel “entitled” to their devices, and when they don’t work— all hell breaks loose. Like today, this guy at the agency is all like: “my computer won’t start, it’s not turning on, my whole life is on that stupid thing, the only copy of JJ Abrams top secret new script – blah, blah, blah, cry, scream, panic” And I take one look at the guy’s stupid computer and it’s just unplugged. It’s not gonna work if it’s not plugged in! I swear probably half the time I get called up somewhere the problem has something to do with shit not being plugged in… it’s so funny – these high profile guys, with their high profile client lists and their power lunches are all completely powerless when it comes to their technology. It’s supposed to enhance their life… but sometimes it just brings everything to a complete standstill. The funniest guys are the ones who obviously have loads o porn on their computers and are beyond petrified that I’m gonna find it and blow up their spot – I just wanna be like “dude, I’ve seen porn before – get over yourself and make sure you keep your power cord plugged in” but sometimes shit gets awkward – like today I had to hook up a DSL line in the annex building for this agent who just got back from rehab, Bryce something, and it’s his first day back and he storms into his office expecting to pick back up right where he left off but the agency gave some other dude, Mankowitz, the keys to Bryce’s kingdom – that’s what Bryce kept saying “they took my kingdom, they shat on my kingdom”! I mean, really what they did was give away Bryce’s office, but Bryce is all screaming and sweating – I was waiting for little puffs of smokes to come shooting out of his nose while he was breathing down my neck… and I’m trying to set up his computer in his new hot as balls office in the annex building that doesn’t even have air conditioning or anything… sucks for him, I put in a maintenance request to get the poor dude a fan…